We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
