i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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