if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
PANTIES FOUND
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