She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
