I could make wine with my vomit
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You made out with two different species that night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
