so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
