i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
