well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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