Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
