you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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