She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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