She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
