I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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