The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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