I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
