You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
