How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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