This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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