I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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