I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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