he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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