my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
