Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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