I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Found the puke drawer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
