I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My dick has a subreddit
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
