Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my poor anus
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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