i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
