Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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