Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we should paint friendship bongs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
