The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
