you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
