the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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