No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
