Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
