You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
