I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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