making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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