Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
