im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
