we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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