Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
