So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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