U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
