your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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