Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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