it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
