tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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