I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
