the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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