I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
