I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
