They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So much rum. So many feels.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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