I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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