you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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