I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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