I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
