drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
