I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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