One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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