They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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