i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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