what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize