the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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