There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
