FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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