I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
