You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
