I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
