White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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