I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
