Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
