i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
did i walk over a car last night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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