If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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