I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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