you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
