Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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