her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
