you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
