I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
